Song kran 2008

Another Song Kran celebration is upon us. Even as we speak, people all over Thailand are soaking each other down with muddy water (I think it's clay, actually). We had a small ceremony at the house for the family this afternoon. Palmy went nuts with the muddy water, and blessed everything she could sling the spiritual soup on, including Bongo, and my motorcycle (grrrr!). Our niece Bing was armed with a salvationary super soaker and is a pretty fair shot with it.

Our niece Bing, all muddied up and ready to go.

Palmy is pouring water on the Buddha statues.

A very wet and muddy Puk and Palm.

Puk and Roong, after a cease fire had been called.

Puk, pouring water to Mom and Dad.

Cafe Toothless

This is the place we go the most to eat, especially lunch, when time is short. It's just a block away from the school. As you can see, it's basically a garage with one of those little hot dog type push carts out front, with a burner and a gas bottle. These places don't have names on them, they just put a sign up that tells you what their specialty is. They plaster any signs that the soda companies will give them for free all over the wall, for wall paper. We don't know his name, but he and his friend have been living and cooking there for many years. Well, he has. His friend just sits in the back, watches TV, and drinks beer all day. A big plate of Kow pad or Pad se-u cost about 35 baht ($1). Not a bad deal. It can cost more to make dinner at home for us sometimes, so eating at these little places doesn't affect the budget at all.

Summer School

This is 6 of my 25 summer school students. From left to right, they are Kan, Ohm, Boss, Kwang, Petch, and Bas. The day I took this, I didn't have all the kids there, because it is now the Song Kran holiday. Kan is one of the most skilled kids I have. She, Thuy, and Maie are pretty far ahead of the others in skill, so I make little extra activities for them to keep them busy while the others finish their assignments. Those three also are a big help to me for translating more difficult instructions for the younger students.

Acupuncture

As promised, here are a couple of shots of me getting the acupuncture. The little circles on my feet and calves are from these suction cups he puts on them for a few minutes before he puts the needles in. After the needles are in, he hooks them up to an electric stimulator thingy, and runs juice through them for 10-15 minutes. It seems to be helping, but the medicine he gives me for everything else is causing some nasty ass heartburn. Send Pepto!!!!!!!!!

Cell Phone pics

A shot of the girls and I on the new cell phone. I was surprised at how nice they turned out. I haven't seen many cell phone pics that didn't look grainy and blurry, especially if take indoors. As you can see, Palmy is in full retro/Japanese mode and sporting a new color. At least she isn't wearing those god awful leopard skin shoes today. The promise of a new cell phone was even enough to get Puky off the computer for a few hours.

These were taken at the Future city mall in N. Bangkok. We like this one a lot better that Zeer (where we normally go, about 5km further in). This is more like an American mall. It has lots of department stores, and even a sizzler and Pizza Hut. The stores are a lot more expensive, but they carry quality merchandise. I didn't see to many people grumbling about the prices though. I think I just have to get Roong out of the country market routine, and go to Future more. I am really having a hard time accepting the cheap ass, poor quality merchandise that everyone around here just seems to accept.

I tried to explain it like this. I can buy a pair of work shoes, that will last a year for 200 baht, but a 600 baht pair of shoes will last 5 years. I can't get them to see that that is a better deal. Plus, It's just plain a lot more comfy to shop and eat in an air conditioned mall, with quality merchandise, where I don't have to kick mangy ass dogs out of my way, to wave the flies off the spoiled produce, that will soon become my lizard crap coated dinner in somebody's damn "supposed to be a restaurant" garage. Sorry, I am going to my happy place now. Seeya!

My witch doctor says.....

"Just stop doing anything that you even remotely enjoy, and you will be fine. You have insurance, yes?"

Well, the good news.... My blood sugar, kidneys, liver, blood pressure, and all are fine. On the other hand, my cholesterol is still too high (314), and he also says that I may be in the first stages of early emphysema. He says that 1 in 10 people get it, and no one is sure why. Smoking doesn't actually cause it, it just helps it to progress faster. Quitting smoking won't make it go away, but it will slow down the progression of it. He says that since I am about 50 now, and just developing it, I shouldn't get too freaked out about it, and that I need to have a chest X-ray to be sure.

He also says that my my red blood cells are too big. Umm...ok. That's a new one. I went there today for more acupuncture. It seems to be having some positive effect, because now, I can feel more of the needles as he is using them. He had a new approach today. He said that he wanted to get rid of the blood that was pooling in my lower legs. So, he bled my toes. Seriously! That was just plain creepy. After he stuck all the needles in, he made a small incision on all 10 of the tips of my toes, and let some blood out. I am glad I couldn't feel that. As you walk into his office, the first thing you see is a huge hand carved wooden Chinese dragon. For some reason, that is very comforting. Well, that and the two receptionists that are so pretty, that Roong just glares at them. "I must be taking some pressure of you blood now Mr.Don". Yes you do baby girl. :)

On a happier note....I got a new cellphone. I still hate carrying that damn thing, but this one is pretty cool. My old one could never get a signal anywhere, so it was useless. This one seems to be ok, and takes great photos. My old one couldn't take pics. I have promised Roong that I will keep it on all the time. Well, I will, as soon as she lets me have it back. She is having a ball playing with it. I have to find a truly obnoxious ring tone to put on it of course.

I got spanked..but, not in the good way.

My 100th post! I would whoop-de-doo a bit, but I am still bushed from the weekend. Saturday and Sunday, I had the tests for my teacher certification. Well, they had me. Here's what happened....

As you know, the Thai government has now decided that all teachers need to have their official okey-dokey certificate to teach here. Wonderful! Although this seems aimed mostly at we foreign teachers, there seems to be a shit load of Thai teachers that don't have anything like that either.....Hmmm, I say. Upon hearing that I need this thing, I decided to study up on what I needed to do well on it. No one, including my wife has been able to get any concrete info on what material they were going to use as reference for the test. Roong called the people that SHOULD know, and got nothing. So, all I could do was hit the internet, and re-read my TEFL course, and hope.

The tests consist of 4 sections, each section has 150 questions, 600 questions total. What they seem to have done, is just translated the test they give the Thai teachers upon completing their education degree. There are a few, shall we say, quirks on the test.

First, it is geared for Thai educational practices. Nobody that is not Thai is going to have any familiarity with these. Things like "where religion should rank in importance in a child's education". I am from St.Louis, how the hell do I know where Buddhism should rank. We didn't have religion forced on us in school. There were also a lot of questions that asked how you would solve specific real problems facing Thailand's educational system.

Second, if you are going to construct a test for English speaking people, then please have somebody that actually knows the god damn language write it! 20% of the questions made little to no sense. Sometimes you could get the general idea of what they were looking for, but too many times the whole Q/A made absolutely no sense at all. Oh, and along with that, you might also what to get a wild hair, and actually have people that can speak English giving the test. Any question that was asked was answered with "Mai loo" (I don't know). They couldn't tell us when the results would be ready, how we would get them, etc. Although, in their defense, I did find one nice lady that was pretty sure that she knew where the restroom was.

There's more, but I am too tired to rant any more, so I will just finish the story... What I knew, I knew. What I didn't know, I had never heard of before. Out of each section, I am guessing I was sure on about 50 questions, and had a fair chance at another 20 - 30, but on the rest I was clueless. We need to have a 50% to pass. There is no way in hell I will pass it. Yanno, I also found it strange that they consider 50% a sufficient teaching caliber.

One of the other teachers taking the test found some interesting data concerning the first time this test was given. Such as the fact that no one passed the 2nd section, things like that. It seems that the test was too hard, so they re-did it for this next session. Well, it seems that I will have to take these damn things over again. I have 3 years to complete this, so I am hoping that in the mean time, I can find the material to study for it. The only sure way is to spend 70,000 baht and take the 8 month teachers course that some of the Universities offer. This country gets enough of our income as it is, so I am not jumping on that option just yet.

The bottom line is that out of the 40 or so of us that took these tests, I may have hear a few say that they were pretty sure that they passed 1 or 2 sections, but no one was claiming that they passed all of it. We all talked together quite a bit, and there were some pretty damn intelligent people there, all of whom were voicing the same frustrations. My head hurts, good night!

Karaoke + John Denver = Angry Weenus!

Yet more proof that karaoke is dangerous, read on....

A gunman in Thailand shot-dead eight neighbors, including his brother-in-law, after tiring of their karaoke versions of popular songs, including John Denver’s "Country Road". An angry Weenus Chumkamnerd, 52, put his gun to the head of a respected female doctor and seven of her guests as they partied at her home in Songkhla Province, South Thailand. "When I began shooting nobody pleaded for his life because they were all drunk," he said after his arrest.
He said he was so furious with their awful singing that he did not notice he had murdered his own brother-in-law.

"I warned these people about their noisy karaoke parties. I said if they carried on I would go down and shoot them. I had told them if I couldn’t talk sense into them I would come back and finish them off," he added.

Mr Chumkamnerd, who works as a rubber tapper, was arrested after going on the run after his killing spree in the town of Hat Yai, near the Malaysian border. The doctor who was hosting the party, Dr Suthathip Thammachart, 36, was the director of a local hospital who was due this month to get an award for her services to medicine. One of the revelers survived by playing dead, convincing the gunman that he too had been killed.

When he realized he had shot his brother-in-law, Boontip Desaro, Mr Chumkamnerd said he was filled with remorse. He got his son to take Boontip to hospital, but he was already dead.

A neighbor said that the karaoke group normally sang Thai pop and southern Thai ballads, but one particular western tune could be heard often - John Denver’s ‘Country Roads’. Country Roads is a hugely popular song in south east Asia and the neighbor said the revelers had been singing it over and over again.

Pink flamingos are for sissys, REAL men have peacocks!

One of the first things I noticed when I arrived here, was that Roong had nothing on the walls in our house. I mean nothing. Not even the mandatory dozen pictures of this or that king and queen that seems to be required to show you are a loyal Thai citizen. I vowed to change that.

It took me a while to get Roong used to the idea of hanging things on the wall, but she seems ok with it now. She even voices opinions concerning color and location. The biggest problem is finding the art. We needed to find a large over-the-sofa painting. After quite a bit of looking, and coming to the realization that large art just not exist here, I figured that I was going to have to paint it myself. Some time ago, in an effort to get me back into trying to produce something decent, Roong bought me a kick ass easel, but I haven't had the time or the drive to use it much.

To figure out what to paint, I started playing with Corel Painter X. It's fun to use, and it's a great way for me to make smaller versions of things we think might eventually look good on the wall. Also, it seems that these smaller artworks lend themselves well to becoming posters. So, i opened up a small art store on Zazzle to sell those. The shop should be ready sometime in June, because April and May are going to be hell here.

Anyway, the whole point of this story, is to explain why there is a 5 ft tall ceramic peacock staring at you. It's a waterfall that sits in the corner of our living room. Roong seems bent on building a sort of garden around it, with flowers, ivy, and such hanging off of it, and maybe a few fish in the basin. We were eating lunch at one of our favorite munchie spots in Soi sip song (12th street), and noticed a new little shop selling ceramics across the street. We went and looked, and saw a few interesting things, then left. We stopped there again that evening and looked some more. Then, the next day, we stopped yet again, and ended up coming home with that monstrosity.

I am not sure which I find more amazing, the fact that we bought it, or the fact that we went there three times, thought about it, and STILL bought it. Plus, a little ceramic boat, and two turtles. Well, I have to give it credit, it really is a conversation starter. Aren't peacocks blue?

Are you smarter than a 10 year old?

Ok, it's quiz time! This question was given to a pack of your average rabid 10 year olds. Take a look at the bus, and tell me which way is it going? Is it traveling to the left, or to the right? Be sure and look real close.

* NO PEEKING!*

Interestingly enough, 90% of the 10 year olds asked said that the bus was traveling to the left. When asked how they arrived at that conclusion, they said that it had to be traveling to the left, because you can't see the door on this side! Now, how do you feel poindexter? I know, me too.

Beware! Power gossip zone

Palmy is back for the weekend. That is always nice. For the first time in a long time, Roong and the girls all got together on the bed, watched "Judging Amy" re-runs, and power gossiped. Thai people speak very loudly. I am not sure why that is. I can only guess that it is due to the fact that they don't actually listen to each other, or communicate effectively on the rare occasion when they do listen. So, TALK LOUDER! Haaa!

I consider myself lucky, because I can only understand about half of what they are saying, so I don't have to get involved. But, it's nice to see them having such a good time together.

We got Puk's grades back from school. She has a 3.3 average. I am pretty happy with this. As scared as she was about testing for her high school, I was afraid they would be lower. They may still not be high enough to get her into the snotty school in Lopburi, but I am ok with that. I would rather her go to school here in Pattananikom. She should do well there, she won't have to ride the bus for 2.5 hours a day, and she can make plenty of friends that she can hang out with here. She says she wouldn't mind that at all. But, she tried, and did well, I am proud of her.

* I am sorry the photo is fuzzy, but this is apparently a secret society type gathering, and not open to the general public, so they refused to sit still while giggling and chattering.

Want to find out more about Thailand? DCO offers books on just about any facet of Thai lifestyle and history, from the history of kings and their conquests, to the Bangkok bargirl scene. To read all about them, just click the banner below….

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Who ya gonna call?

Many Thais believe ghosts are wandering tsunami-hit beaches, spooking taxi drivers, making the Andaman Sea hungry for more victims, and jinxing an economic recovery for devastated resorts.

Fish sellers and seafood restaurants are suffering a severe downturn in business along the west coast because many Thais are refusing to eat fish, amid fears that sea creatures may have nibbled human corpses swept out to sea.

"Foreign tourists will come back to Khao Lak, but many Thais and Chinese will not want to go there because so many people died, and so many ghosts are there," said Somchai, a taxi driver, as he drove along Phuket's sleek, undamaged highways. Thais and foreigners, however, are fueling ghost stories by retelling rumors and hearsay. "Did you hear the one about the taxi driver, who picked up passengers who turned out to be ghosts?""

That question, spread through conversations, e-mail and the Thai media, has become an urban legend in Thailand. Most versions of the tale describe an unidentified Thai taxi driver who picks up a "foreign tourist" and his Thai girlfriend, for a taxi ride to Phuket's airport or elsewhere. When the taxi arrives at the destination, the driver turns around and freaks out when he sees the passengers have already disappeared.

Many Thais who hear the story, don't laugh, because they are extremely fearful of ghosts. Throughout Thailand, most perceived haunting and poltergeist events are believed to be caused by people who suffered "violent deaths" -- which poses a big problem for superstitious Thais pondering the horror and brutality of the tsunamis.

"If the ghost has no family here, maybe they won't come back," said Pawn, a shopkeeper who said she was not too worried about ghosts from the tsunami, though she "heard" ghosts several years ago after one of her relatives died. About 95 percent of Thailand's population is Buddhist, and the atheist doctrine teaches that all people are repeatedly reincarnated, regardless of their religion. Each time a person dies, their spirit spends an unspecified amount of time as a conscious ghost seeking rebirth.

As a result, Buddhist monks traditionally chant special prayers to dead spirits, urging them to stop wandering the places where they died, and to detach themselves from loved ones -- so the living can enjoy peace, and the dead can be reborn.

Many Thais also integrate pre-Buddhist, animist beliefs into their perception of the world, and construct doll house-sized "spirit houses" in and around their homes and offices where they make daily offerings of food, water and prayer in exchange for protection from any unseen beings who choose to dwell there.

For a wonderful selection of handmade Thai arts and crafts, please visit…

St.Patrick's Day!

Wooohooo! My favorite holiday is drawing near. There are actually enough foreigners in Bangkok to have a pretty kick ass St.Pat's Day celebration. Last year, Steve and I went to a bar called "The Dubliner". We were not disappointed, because the place was packed. Live music, and all kinds of other good stuff. The only drawback to partying in Bangkok, is the price of beer. A quart of Bud costs like 200 baht, and Guiness and the others are just as expensive. A quart of "Ahchaa" (horse beer) costs like 30 baht here in the sticks. Yeesh!

Anyway, I thought you could use a few Irish jokes to get you in the mood. I got these from Vincent, a friend in our marketing group. Here goes....

"Mary Clancy ges up to Fater O'Grady after his Sunday morning service,
and she's in tears. He says, 'So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?'
She says, 'Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night.'

The priest says, 'Oh, Mary, that's terrible.
Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?' She says, 'That he did, Father.'
The priest says, 'What did he ask, Mary? 'She says, He said,
'Please Mary, put down that damn gun..."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


"A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church,
enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his
attention but the drunk continues to sit there.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.

The drunk mumbles, 'ain't no use knockin,
there's no paper on this side either!"

------------------------------------------------------------


"Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy,
looking like he'd just been run over by a train.
His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken,
his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.

' What happened to you?' asks Sean, the bartender.
' Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight,' says Paddy.
' That little shit, O'Conner,' says Sean,

'He couldn't do that to you,
he must have had something in his hand.'
' That he did,' says Paddy, 'a shovel is what he had,
and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it.'
' Well,' says Sean, 'you should have defended yourself,
didn't you have something in your hand?'

That I did,' said Paddy.
'Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of
beauty it was, but useless in a fight."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"A cop pulls over a weaving car on the highway...
' So,' says the cop to the driver,
where have ya been?'

' Why, I've been to the pub of course, slurs the drunk.
' Well,' says the cop, 'it looks like you've had quite
a few to drink this evening.'
'I did all right,' the drunk says with a smile.

' Did you know,' says the cop, standing straight and
folding his arms across his chest,
'that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?'
'Oh, thank heavens,' sighs the drunk.
'For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
----------------------------------------
There now, don't you feel better?

Hug an elephant!

To honor this most gentle, yet powerful, of animals the National Thai Elephant Day is being hosted at the Maesa Elephant Camp (10kms along the Mae RimSamoeng Road) on 13th March. Admission to the Camp is free so this will be a day for Thais, and visitors to meet and fall in love (again!) with that most noble of creatures the Elephant.

Traditionally and historically, the elephant has had a long association with Thailand. It's strength, power, ponderous dignity and majesty has ensured it a special place in the hearts of Thai Kings for many centuries. Even today, H.M. King Bhumibol has a stable of Royal Elephants.

White Elephants are especially sacred and auspicious. When one is found, it immediately becomes the property of the reigning Monarch. Long ago, when Thai Kings waged war against invading enemies, it was the elephant which provided the "heavy" war equipment. Elephants were the battlewagons and tanks of the day from which, aloft the elephant”s neck, the King (or Noble) could see and engage the enemy.

*Sorry this is a few days late, but this is mostly a north country thing.

Want to find out more about Thailand? DCO offers books on just about any facet of Thai lifestyle and history, from the history of kings and their conquests, to the Bangkok bargirl scene. To read all about them, just click the banner below….

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Uncle Wally strikes again!

The world’s largest retail chain is rumored to be teaming up with Ernest & Julio Gallo Winery of California to produce the spirits at an affordable price - in the $2 to $5 range. Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to put a bottle of Wal-Mart brand into their shopping carts, but there is a market for inexpensive wine. Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for the Wal-Mart wine brand.

The top surveyed names in order of popularity were:

10. Chateau Traileur Parc

9. White Trashfindel

8. Big Red Gulp

7. World Championship Riesling

6. NASCARbernet

5. Chef Boyardeaux

4. Peanut Noir

3. I Can’t Believe it’s not Vinegar

2. Grape Expectations

1. Nasti Spumante

The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with either white meat (Possum) or red meat (Squirrel). Bone-appy-teat!

For a wonderful selection of handmade Thai arts and crafts, please visit…

In the beginning.....

As we all know, I have been messing about with this internet business stuff for a while now. As I am now starting to have some actual success with it, I keep telling friends and family that they should give it a shot. Many are a bit reluctant it seems. Yeah, I know most of the stuff you see looks like a scam, and probably is. But at the very least it's a fun hobby that might make you a few bucks.

In an effort to quell the doubts of the more suspicious of you about all this, I am going to give you a little of the history behind internet business. This was sent to me by my very dear and wise friend Tricia, who knows all about things such as these, and she says the story goes like this.....

"In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader called Abraham of Com did
take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.
And Dot of Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg.
Indeed, she had been called 'Amazon Dot Com'.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband, 'Why dost thou travel far from town
to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?'
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of
a camel load, but simply said, 'How, dear?'

And Dot replied, 'I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between
to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling
you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and
delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS).'

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the
drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold
all the goods he had at the top price, without ever moving from his tent.
But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secrete himself
inside Abraham's drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young man
did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the
deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going
to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum
company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work
only with Brother Gates' drum heads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say, 'Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by
others.' And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be
known, 'eBay', he said, 'We need a name that reflects what we are.'
And Dot replied, 'Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.'
'YAHOO!' said Abraham.

And that is how it all began."

Straight Line

Yanno... it's weird how you can learn how to do a lot of things concerning this or that subject, but never learn a lot of the basics associated with that thing. I have been doodling in Photoshop for a long time. But, I had never been able to make a curved line. This was a problem, because when I draw something by hand and then scan it in, it's not smooth. Pencil and pen stuff done by hand comes out with rough and uneven lines. This isn't a problem if the drawing is small, but when you blow it up for a t-shirt or something, they become quite apparent.

Having become fed up with this (after how many years?) I spent about 4 hours on this problem today. I found the solution. Thanks to my trusty Photoshop book, and the tutorials that come with the PS program, I can now make a curved line. I don't exactly do it like they tell you to in the book, but that seems to be the way with these things. The instructions never seem to work. I always end up doing the same thing, but I seem to do it back-ass-wards. Anyway, I can now make smooth curved lines. I give you..."The Pig!"

Student Day 2008

It was "Student Day" this Friday at school. Normally it's held in February, but with the death of the king's sister, there was a 90 day mourning period. Student day lets all the kids, and many parents, play games and watch other students put on small shows.

These are some of the kids in the show put on by the P-4 class

Behind the kids is a long line of games that the kids can compete in to win prizes like pencil boxes, notebooks, and small toys.

This is Tuck. He is in one of my M-1 classes.

These are a few of the demons from another of my M-1 classes.

More M-1 kids.

This is one of the dancers wearing a traditional Thai costume. There was about 30 of them all together, and they looked great. Thai dance is wonderful to watch.

These are a few of my P-6 girls.

These are some of the P-3 and P-4 kids.

P-6 boys on the prowl.

One of the groups that danced today. This was a mixture of kids from all of the groups.

This shot is of a few of the teachers that worked the fair. That's Roxanne (English teacher) on the right. Second from the left is Benz, and that's Noi that she has her arm around.

Godzilla says it's Hammer time!

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Thai TV commercials

Thai TV is about 40 years behind the rest of the world. They still use "whiz bang" sound effects on the shows. Not just on the comedy sitcom stuff, but even on their serious soap operas. I am going to try and post a few commercials from Youtube, so you can see what I mean. Oh, I am sorry, but I have know idea what the groundhog is selling, and that game you see the guy playing in the last video is called "Ta claw". It's like volleyball, except it's played with a small hard plastic ball and you can't use your hands. It's pretty wild to watch. Please give the videos time to load.

Chinese New Year in Thailand

The Chinese community in Phuket, Thailand, has ended its period of abstinence with a festival featuring people who pierce their bodies and go through self-inflicted pain in the belief they are driving out their demons.

Thailand’s Chinese spend the ninth month of the lunar calendar abstaining from meat and various stimulants in the belief that doing so will bring them health and peace of mind. Piercing and fire-walking are among the activities devotees undertake in what they hope will purge their bodies of evil spirits.

Thailand is host to many vegetarian festivals toward the end of October each year. The festivals get their name because so many participants have given up meat over the previous weeks. Phuket’s vegetarian festival is one of the biggest in Thailand and has become a popular tourist attraction, according to the Tourism Authority of Thailand. About 10,000 onlookers are believed to have attended the festival finale over the weekend.

Haaa! And I scowled at Palmy when she wanted to get a belly button ring.

Living in the jungle

We do live in a small village, but it's not like everyone lives in grass huts and runs about naked all day long. Hmmm...although that might make life a bit more interesting. The jungle does have a way of reminding you that it is always ready to take back anything you let it. We still have a few thousand wild elephants here, and there really are still tigers in the dense jungle areas. I have seen some damn big snakes crawling about. We think one of those is what keeps eating the puppies that our neighbor's dog seems to have every other week.

Anyway, today, Roong got stung by a scorpion. It seems to have been feasting in Bongo's food dish, and when Roong went to clean it, it zapped her on one of her fingers. This was a small one, only about 2 or 3 inches long. I called Steve, as I remember him saying that he had gotten nailed a few times since he has been here. He said just to watch it for a while, and if it didn't swell up or anything, then she would be ok. I guess they are like bee stings. Either you are allergic to the venom or you aren't. I wanted to take Roong to the hospital, but she said she was alright. Cobra season is just around the corner...Yippee!

Skewl Update

Ok, it seems that the Thai government, in all their greedy ass, only thinking of today, waste my F**king time yet again type glory , have decided that all teachers need a teaching certificate to teach here. While I understand the need to make sure that all teachers can actually teach, this still smacks of just another way to get a few thousand baht (12,000 to be specific) out of all of us rich foreigners. It doesn't seem so bad though. All I need to do is take a Thai culture course for two weekends, and then take a basic teaching technique/practices test. Shouldn't be too bad.

It is also contract negotiation time here at good old Penpattana. This sucked! The boss knows that I can't change schools while I am in the process of getting that damn teaching certificate, so the little prick won't give me a raise. He says that because I get 2 months off a year, with pay, he can't afford it. Well, no shit ya little baboon! Most teachers are off for at least part of the summer vacation period everywhere else in the world. Roong says to just "accept" it for now. Yeah, the Thai national mantra. But, I will do it. Pukky still has 3 years of school left to go here, so we probably won't move anywhere until she is finished.

Speaking of Roong.... It seems that now the government has decided that people at her position level can only stay at the same office for a maximum of 4 years. This means that wifezilla has to switch offices this year. She isn't sure where she wants to go yet, but I doubt that she will want to go to far away. It also depends on what other offices have people at her level that have to move too. She can just switch with one of them. It shouldn't be hard, because her office is considered to be a pretty good one.

Lastly, our little niece Bing Bing will be coming to stay here soon. Thaa and Boonam are having..umm...problems, so we suggested that Bing come and stay here with us, or next door with mom and dad. I think Bing Bing is 8 now. She's a great kid, and no trouble at all. She will go to my school this next term, so she can just ride into work with me.

Get up and vote!

Vote-buying is an old practice in Thai politics, but one candidate in December’s Thai elections has reportedly come up with a new tactic - handing out Viagra instead of cash.

The allegation, made Thursday by a campaign worker against a rival party, comes as rules about handing out favors to voters have become stricter than ever, barring even the distribution of free T-shirts and soft drinks.

Sayan Nopcha, a campaigner for the People’s Power Party in Pathum Thai province just north of Bangkok, said the drug used to treat sexual dysfunction in men was being distributed to elderly male voters at social functions.

* This may help explain why Thailand has a voting turn-out of better than 70%.

It's the law!

Every country has a few strange laws that are still on the books, though nobody remembers why they were there in the first place. Heres a few from here.

1. "You must wear a shirt while driving a car"...... ummm, ok. Some kind of vinyl related phobia maybe.

2. "You must pay a fine of $600 in Thailand if you’re caught throwing away chewed bubble gum on the sidewalk"....... Ok, I can see that, it's pretty nasty. Is the fine $300 if the gum isn't chewed?

3. "It is illegal to leave your house if you are not wearing underwear"........ Uh, why? I wonder if they set up check-points like they do on New Year's Eve to catch drunks? It's about 90 degrees here all the time. I am thinking there's a lot of folks going commando.

4. "No one may step of any of the nation’s currency"....... Ok, this one I know the answer to. The currency has a picture of the king on it. And god help you if you say anything bad about the king. Hell, they can actually shoot you for it here.

But just to show there is no hard feelings, I will remind you that...

In Ohio, it is illegal to get a fish drunk, or to hunt whales on Sunday! Aww, they're not whales, they're just big boned.

In Alaska, it is still illegal to either get a moose drunk, or to push said drunk moose out of a moving aircraft! This could explain why the Elks lodge is more popular there.

In Scotland, It is illegal to be drunk and in possession of a cow! This is toooooo easy, I am not going to touch it.

In Arizona, it is illegal for donkeys to sleep in bathtubs! I can only wish that I had been at the party that caused people there to feel a need for this law.

In Switzerland, It is illegal to flush the toilet after 10pm if you live in an apartment! Maybe they just need a few decent plumbers there.

In Georgia, it is against the law to tie a giraffe to either telephone or lamp poles!
Ok asshole, then just where am I supposed to tie up my wombat?

In British Colombia, it is illegal to kill a Bigfoot! Yet, it's only a misdemeanor to pull the old flaming bag of dog poop on the front porch gag on poor Nessie. Go figure!

And last, but not least....

In Mississippi, It is still the ultimate of no-no's to shoot a squirrel with a shotgun inside a courtroom! ....... No matter how inept of a lawyer he is.

* This just in...In Thailand, it is apparently now illegal to drink, or have sex on the king's birthday!

I don't know what to call this one

POTHARAM, Thailand (AP) -- Inside a dark room, realistic-looking "human body parts" are stacked on shelves and hanging on meat hooks. The place looks like a mortuary or the lair of a serial killer, but in fact, it's a bakery. What appears to be putrefying body parts are the bread sculptures of 28-year-old art student Kittiwat Unarrom.

"Of course, people were shocked and thought that I was mad when they saw the works. But once they knew the idea behind it, they understood and became interested in the work itself, instead of thinking that I am crazy," said the fine arts masters degree student.

Yeah bubba, we don't think you're crazy.

No questions asked...

I have mentioned before that Thai people do not like to ask questions. Maybe more to the point, they won't ask questions if they need help. Roong has no problem what so ever with asking me the strangest things, but if we need directions or help at a store when deciding on something to buy, forget it. Here's an example.....

"A woman who boarded the wrong bus on an attempted shopping trip from Thailand to Malaysia has returned home after 25 years.

Jaeyana Beuraheng told her eight children she accidentally boarded a bus bound for Bangkok instead of Malaysia, and once there she boarded a second incorrect bus because she could not read or speak Thai or English, The Times of London reported Wednesday.
Beuraheng, who speaks only the Yawi dialect used by Muslims in southern Thailand, said the noise and traffic of the big city confused and disoriented her, leading her to board the second wrong bus to Chiang Mai, near the border with Burma.

The woman said she spent five years begging on the street in the city and was often mistaken for a member of a hill tribe because of her dark skin tone.
She was arrested in 1987 on suspicion of being an illegal immigrant and was sent to a social services hostel when authorities were unable to determine her origins.
However, last month, three students from her home village arrived at the hostel for training, and they were able to communicate with Beuraheng and help her find her way home."

This is just plain nasty!

Farmers in Thailand and the Philippines are celebrating the Year of the Rat by eating rat meat.The farmers aren't just eating the rats, they're profiting off the rodent's newfound popularity among diners.The farmers are catching the rats in their fields, grilling them and selling them to people wanting a non-conventional culinary experience.Among the recipes being served include rat stew, rat with rice, grilled rat and poached rat. Poached rat? You gotta be kidding me! Kind of takes the juice out of all the dog jokes though, doesn't it? Yummmmm!

You truly never really know here..

For many young Thai men, kickboxing is a way out of poverty, a chance to escape the often rural confines of life in a developing country where the average annual wage is less than U.S. $2,000. It is also revered as a sort of religion. The traditional boxing known as Muay Thai was once used to decide the fate of kings—ritual and ceremony surrounds this most respected of bloody battles. Champions become national heroes. And it's just for men.

Nong Tum is a champion kickboxer. She's the winner of 22 professional fights, one for every year of her life—18 knockouts and countless bloody noses span a six-year career in the ring. And now her life is the subject of a critically acclaimed movie. The photo is a history of his..er..her transition in her career.

A bit fishy

Fishers in northern Thailand netted this huge catfish in the Mekong River on May 1. Nearly nine feet long (2.7 meters) and as big as a grizzly bear, the behemoth tipped the scales at 646 pounds (293 kilograms). Experts say the fish, which belongs to the species known as the Mekong giant catfish, may be the largest freshwater fish ever recorded.

The search continues.......

As I have mentioned before, you can buy anything here in Thailand, and I mean ANYTHING (or anyone), but still, no Velveeta! The only cheese readily available is made in Australia. That stuff stinks. It has this strange smell to it, as if it is already gone half bad. I can get good cheeses in Bangkok at a shop that my friend Jan goes to. We even have an "in" for good cigars, through his buddy Paul, and a friend in Holland. But still, no Velveeta! I have even found a lot of great cheese recipes on the internet, for making real cheese at home. But still, no Velveeta!

As this is Superbowl weekend, and I do get a fair amount of sports on the TV, I though it would be cool to have nachos. I can get Doritos here, and the girls have never had Mexican food, so I thought that might be a fun thing to make. A few weeks ago, I started searching seriously for "da cheez". I now have a very good friend named Kathleen at the Kraft company 's consumer help dept. The only thing we could come up with, was a pack of Velveeta singles (12 slice). But they wanted over $7 for 1 pack. Plus, the shipping was almost twice that! Are you kidding me? $21 for fake cheese?

The other day, I got an email from Kathleen, in which she said that she had found Velveeta online. It turns out, that you can buy a 2 lb. block of "Kraft Premium" cheese on Amazon.com. Haaaaa! Who new? Kathleen says that it is the same as Velveeta, but just in a fancier box. The only downside is that it costs $22, but, it's 2 pounds, so that is much better than the slices.

I wouldn't be able to get it in time for the Superbowl obviously, but it's nice to know that it is there. My next search is going to be for Lasagna noodles. They seem to be a bit scarce here also. But that may have to wait until I actually find a real oven, or at least a microwave.

This explains everything

Bangkok, Thailand (AHN) -- A 52-year old woman from Thailand is claiming that aside from enjoying riding toy motorcycles, her pet frog can also predict winning lottery numbers.

Tongsai Boommrungtai, 52, said she came across the black spotted frog outside her house in Roi-Et.

"The frog had a small chick in its mouth," she said of her frog which she named Nong Oui. "I looked her straight in the eye and knew I could communicate with her. I told her to drop the chick and she did and then came hopping in."

"Ever since she has been a member of the family. For a long time villagers would come round and get tips on the National Lottery with the frog's help. They used to read the skin on her stomach and look for numbers."

"Ten people subsequently won the lottery which drew crowds to the house - and then they started losing. So I have had to ground her. I promised one day to take her to the seaside, and her dream has come true."

"There is nothing more that she likes than to ride her toy Harley-Davison, or a battery operated dumper truck. But she can strike a pose just about anywhere."

The frog also recommends diversification of stock portfolios, due to the recent downward trend of the Dow Jones. Oh, and he says that Hilly will kick Obama's ass in November.

Please be sure to see my next post for "Kung Pao Frog" Yummmmm!