Car Walking

They do some strange things around here that usually irritate the piss out of me. But, occasionally they come up with something that actually makes sense in it's own weird Thai way. Proving that necessity is the mother of invention, the Thais have come up with "car walking". The thing is that here, stuff like driving lane lines,  parking space lines, or any other kind of line that tells you where you are supposed to be, mean absolutely nothing. They routinely jam 3 cars across a 1 lane road, and then are totally baffled about why there is a traffic jam. They seem to be unable to put their vehicles even roughly in the center of a parking lane, and usually end up having their little compact car take up the room that a one ton ford dually would need.


To combat this problem, they have come up with "car walking". Whenever they park somewhere that they shouldn't be parking they leave the car out of gear, and the emergency brake off. So, when you come out of the supermarket to find that some dumb ass has parked in the middle of the lane right behind you, you can just push his car out of the way and go about your business. Far be it from me to remind them that if they had parked where they should have in the first place that this would all be unnecessary. They are quite pleased that they have come up with this idea to solve the inexplicable parking problems all by themselves.

I have gotten use to this silliness now, but once in a while, I can't resist the temptation to push the offending auto to the most inconvenient spot I can find. After having a few beers one evening, a friend and I pushed one out of the lot and across the street. I am sure that the surprised owner attributed the whole thing to ghosts or aliens.

The world has had enough!

See? I don't make this stuff up!

Soul for Sale

You can have power, wealth, an attractive mate and virtually anything else you ever dreamed of – by selling your soul to Satan! But how?
You must know what you’re doing when you make the deal or Satan will cheat you blind. That’s the word from Dr. Rex Touth, expert on satanic rituals and author of How to Negotiate Unholy Contracts.
Dr. Touth cites cases dating all the way back to the 16th century in which humans have agreed to spend eternity in Hell when they die in exchange for earthly pleasures while they’re alive.
“Human history and world literature are teeming with stories like that of Germany’s Dr. Faustus who sold his soul,” says Dr. Touth. “Our own American statesman Daniel Webster once debated Satan in a landmark soul-selling case in which he renegotiated the contract and had it overturned.
“Thousands have gained riches and fulfilled their fantasies.”
Here are some tips from Dr. Touth on how you can take advantage of the same opportunity:

1. SET THE DEAL UP PROPERLY. There’s a right and wrong way to make contact with the Devil. The right way is to be alone in your room, close your eyes and say, “Satan, I summon you. I have a quality soul to sell if the price is right.” It may take dozens, even hundreds of tries but at all costs, avoid sounding desperate or needy. He’ll show up eventually.
2. DEAL FROM A POSITION OF POWER. By far the biggest mistake people make is to underestimate how badly Satan wants their soul. It’s like precious gold to him and he’ll pay anything to get it. When he appears, get him to make the first offer, then up it.
3. GET THE ABSOLUTE BEST. Remember, you’re going to burn in Hell forever. So no matter how badly off you are now, demand the best. For instance, even if you feel unlovable and desperate with loneliness, don’t just say, “I want the most gorgeous woman on earth and I want her to be madly in love with me.” Instead, add, “In fact, throw in 100 other women as well so I can pick and choose according to my mood.”
4. REMEMBER TO DEMAND THE LIFE-EXTENSION CLAUSE. Satan won’t tell you if you don’t ask but you can get a guarantee of 300 years of youthful life before you go to eternal damnation. Why enjoy a mere 75 or 80 years of reckless living when you can get 300?

Religious groups worldwide are trying to ban Dr. Touth’s book. “This kind of trash is spiritual dynamite,” says a spokesman for the North American Council of Churches and Synagogues. “We can’t, in good conscience, let people read how to destroy their almighty souls.”

But Dr. Touth says we should all be aware of the facts so we can make an informed decision. “It’s your soul,” he says. “Do what you want with it.”

(Insert level 9 eye roll and dismissive snort here!)

New 3D Animation

ACK! I just started to kind of watch "The Adventures of Tin Tin", while I am working. The new 3D animation stuff is very creepy. They are like little living dolls. It reminds me of that old Twilight Zone episode where the woman was being chased around the house by that cannibal voodoo doll. Very creepy indeed!

 This was one of the reasons I never played video games much. I came into them kind of late, and really only liked the adventure game "Zelda". But, after the first 2 or 3 games came out, they started doing them in 3D. That stuff gave me a headache. It was disorienting to me for some reason. I never did take a liking to them. 

The movie plot is pretty good though. I had always liked the Tin Tin stories for the artwork, but that old Maltese Falcon Lite way of writing was fun too.  They took a few liberties in the making of this film, but still seemed to keep the basic flavor of the original stories.

Set Leaow!

 

That means "finished" in Thai. And I am finished! Today was the last day of school. I didn't have to do anything because the kids were all taking their last day of tests. They had three solid days of testing to go through. That's gotta suck. Biggie Smalls (the boss) had to hand out a ton of graduation diplomas to the kindergarteners and the 6th graders.He spent most of yesterday doing that. That's good for him.

I will miss a lot of the students that will be going to M-3, or leaving the school entirely. Kids like Beggy, Yo, Drive, Noona, Bam, Taptim, and Sai don't happen very often. They were a tremendous help to me in doing my job. Sometimes they helped me do things like sorting student papers because I couldn't read the Thai names, or even just by answering a question in class that was something that the others didn't know. Their participation helped me get through some very rough spots. Luckily, a t least some of them will now attend the school right next door to us, so I can still see them and say "Hi" once in a while.

I also found out that these jackasses expect me to teach 5 grade levels in 28 hours a week next term. That is right at 1000 students. That's 3 grade levels and more than a full day of teaching more than the rest of them have to do. And we all know that hell will freeze over before B.S. gives anyone a raise. I have 45 days to either find a new job, or figure out how to be Thai and just smile and accept it.

If the principal of any school in Bangkok or Phukett is reading this, please GET ME OUT OF HERE!

Photoshop Tapered Line Tutorial

 

You see that? I have been looking for what seems like forever for a tutorial to tell me how to do that. Just trying to figure out how to make a pen tool stroke that tapers at the end like a brush stroke was making me crazy! I found a few tutorials on how to do it in Illustrator, but Illustrator looks totally alien to me. I have never been able to become comfortable using it. I downloaded Manga Studio because the brush tool in it automatically smooths and tapers your pen tool lines for you. But, that was the only think I ever did with it. That thing takes up a gig of space on my computer.

Thanks to this quick and easy tutorial on Deviant Art by Systaticism, I can now get rid of that HD hogging beast. Well done Systaticism!

Roof Cats

 

One of the first things that I noticed about living here in the twilight zone, is that there are no Siamese Cats here. We had Siamese cats at home for many years, so when I came to Siam (Thailand) I expected the place to have an ass load of them. Not a one! I mean, I have seen a few here and there, but not as many as you would think you would see in the land where I thought they were supposed to have originated.

However, they do have roof cats. Our little street has 12 houses on each side, all connected and gated like little jail cells. Typical Thai homes. Because of that, each side has one long roof, with a little dormer type roof that sticks put over the drive way of each individual home. Plus, the roof has cats. There must be at least 7 - 8 running around up there. That is just on the other side of the street. I don't know how many are on top of our side. In 6 years, I have never seen one of these cats on the ground. Not once. You see them all the time prowling around up there starting at dusk, and can hear them yowling on and off through the night. I guess they have plenty to eat, as there is no shortage of pigeons around here. My daughter says that they have always been there, and that she has never seen one go up or down from the roof top either. Strange.

He likes it! Hey Mikey!

In older times, it was “off with your head” if you spoke ill of the King. Now, you go to jail for posting your feelings on Facebook about the Thai monarchy, which many of the Thai folk actively do. In fact, over 10,000 pages of material was found on the social networking, containing images or text that is offensive to the royal family.
The Information Minister of Thailand, Anudith Nakornthap, warned the people of Thailand that if users on Facebook so much as even like or share any kind of information insulting the monarchy, the consequences would be severe. Such a person could be charged with violation of the lese majeste laws of the country, and could serve up to 15 years in prison. He also advised people to ‘unlike’ any pages and remove any comments made on similar lines. In a world where democracy and freedom of speech are taken for granted in most countries, this news might come across as quite surprising. I mean, we’ve lost count of the number of jokes made online at the expense of Bush, Palin and the likes. Thailand however, has always been strict in enforcing laws that protect the dignity of the sovereign.

This is completely regardless of nationality. A Swiss citizen in 2007 and an Australian writer in 2009  were arrested for similar reasons. The Swiss gentleman had spray painted the King’s image, and he was sentenced to 10 years for that. Fortunately for him, the King pardoned him after a few months. The Australian was lucky too; he was pardoned after being sentenced to 3 years for writing offensive content on the royal family in his novel. So if you’re ever in Thailand, watch out, you might want to keep your comments and observations to yourself!

10 Illegal Baby Names

 (Devil 13)

At the start of 2011, the Pope declared war on parents naming babies after celebrities, fruit or popular sports cars. In an address to parents, the ever-progressive pontiff pleaded with worshipers that when thinking of baby names, they should 'give your children names that are in the Christian calendar'.

So Apple, Brooklyn and Ferrari are out, Francisco and Giulia are in.
But Benedict's not the only authority figure to stamp down on one of the sillier by-products of celebrity culture. Various baby names have all been banned around the world for reasons of taste, decency or just plain daftnesss. So without further ado, we present out list of the top illegal baby names.

[Useful: The top baby names for 2012]

1) Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii (New Zealand)
New Zealand law bans names which could cause offence to a 'reasonable' person. Good thing too - the country is a stupid name hotspot. We found a couple from the islands who tried and failed to call their son '4Real', but nothing beats the ridiculous moniker above. It belonged to a 9-year-old girl before a judge had her renamed during a custody battle. 'It makes a fool of the child,' he said. It certainly made application forms a pain in the butt. Has New Zealand banned any other names? Oh yes. The judge listed some that were also blocked: Fish and Chips (twins), Yeah Detroit, Keenan Got Lucy and Sex Fruit. Number 16 Bus Shelter and Violence were allowed.


2) Venerdi AKA 'Friday' (Italy)
Maybe this is what the Pope was talking about. Back in 2008 a court banned an Italian couple from calling their child Venerdi (translation: Friday). The judges reckoned the name - taken from 'Robinson Crusoe' - would expose the boy to 'mockery' and was associated with 'subservience and insecurity'. The parents, however, might have the last laugh; they threatened to call their next child Mercoledi (Wednesday).
Has Italy banned any other names? Italian courts can step in 'when the child's name is likely to limit social interaction and create insecurity'. In Turin, Andrea was rejected (and changed to Emma) as it's a boy's name in Italy. Dalmata has also been rejected, as it means Dalmatian.

[Relevant: The origins of 10 British baby names]

3) Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116 (Sweden)
No, we didn't fall asleep on the keyboard. That is an actual name a Swedish couple tried to inflict on their son back in 1996. Apparently the name is pronounced 'Albin' (we're not sure how), and the parents chose it as a protest against Sweden's admittedly strict naming laws. Tax authorities must give their blessing to both first and surnames before they can be used.
Has Sweden banned any other names? Oh yes. Some favourites include Metallica, IKEA, Veranda and Q. Google was OK though.

4) Gesher AKA 'Bridge' (Norway)
Back in 1998 those nasty Norwegians threw a woman in jail (admittedly for only two days) when she failed to pay a fine for giving her son an 'unapproved' name. Eccentric Kristi Larsen said she was instructed in a dream to name her son Gesher (Hebrew for 'Bridge'), but the court were having none of it. Kristi did have 13 children already though, so maybe she had just run out of ideas.
Has Norway banned any other names? Undoubtedly, though in recent times they have replaced their list of officially sanctioned names with a general ban on monikers featuring swearing, sex and illnesses.

[Relevant: Weird baby names from the 19th century]

5) Chow Tow AKA 'Smelly Head' (Malaysia)
Unlike many countries which are gradually relaxing name laws, Malaysian authorities have cracked down on unsuitable titles in recent years. In 2006 government killjoys published a list of undesirable names that weren't in keeping with the religious traditions of the country – such as Cantonese moniker Chow Tow – which means 'Smelly Head'.
Has Malaysia banned any other names? Lots more Chinese efforts such as Ah Chwar ('Snake'), Khiow Khoo ('Hunchback'), Sor Chai ('Insane'). Malays should also steer clear of Woti, which means 'Sexual Intercourse'.

6) @ (China)
With more than a billion fellow countrymen, finding a unique name in China is difficult. Perhaps that's why one couple called their baby the '@' symbol – in Chinese characters it apparently looks a bit like 'love him'. Bless. Unsurprisingly, however, the authorities were less sentimental and publicised the moniker as an example of citizens bringing bizarre names into the Chinese language.
Has China banned any other names? The police have control over all names given to children because they issue identity cards, but details of rejections are not widely circulated.

[See also: The worst celebrity baby names from A - Z]

7) Miatt (Germany)
Country living up to stereotype alert! Surprise, surprise the Germans are somewhat officious when it comes to baby naming laws. Regulation-loving Deutschland has an entire department (the Standesamt) which decides if names are suitable. Miatt was rejected because it didn't clearly show whether the child was a boy or a girl, but sometimes the decisions are somewhat arbitrary...
Has Germany banned any other names? The likes of Stompie, Woodstock and Grammophon were turned down, whereas the similarly strange Speedy, Lafayette and Jazz were allowed.

8) Anus (Denmark)
What is it about Scandinavian countries and name laws? The Danes are even tougher than the Swedes in this regard, with parents given 7,000-odd names to choose from by the government. Special permission is needed to deviate from the list, with ethnic names, odd spellings and even compound surnames forbidden. Luckily for him (we assume it's a 'he'), Anus was one of 250-odd names rejected each year.
Has Denmark banned any other names? Well, Pluto and Monkey had lucky escapes...

[Interesting: Meet the parents raising a 'genderless' baby]

9) Ovnis (Portugal)
Before naming your child in Portugal, best consult this mammoth, 80-page government doc (and have it translated to English) that tells you which names you can and can't use. It's pretty strict (and random) – Tomás is OK but Tom isn't – and celebs can forget about the likes of Apple and Brooklyn, which aren't even on the banned list. Essex girls rejoice, however – Mercedes is allowed! Has Portugal banned any other names? There are more than 2,000 names on the reject list, including Ovnis - Portuguese for UFO.

10) Akuma AKA Devil (Japan)
Here's a name the Pope definitely wouldn't approve of. In 1993 a Japanese parent called his son Akuma (which literally means Devil). The authorities decided this was an abuse of the parent's rights to decide a child's name and a lengthy court battle ensued. Eventually the father backed down and junior got a new, less demonic name.
Has Japan banned any other names? Lots. Names must use one of the 2,232 'name kanji' characters decided by the government.

*Found this on Yahoo (I'd go with "Smelly Head" any day)

How's the Weather?

Bluberry Pancakes!

MANAGEMENT BULLETIN: As a result of Roong's latest culinary triumph, I shall refrain from bitching about not having a McDonalds or Taco Bell here for a period of, but not to exceed, one week!

Roong wanted to make pancakes this morning. I thought that was a great idea, but was secretly snickering a bit inside. Roong is a great cook, but I tease her a lot about her wanting to cook everything in a wok. Pancakes are cooked on a griddle! A flat hot surface. Just the basic physics of this whole plan was doomed from the start. Or, so I thought.

It turns out that "Suu noi" (little tiger) eventually got a handle on the whole thing. Her natural stubbornness pays off  ... occasionally. I tried to make a few, but they came out a little too dark. Then Roong took back over, and even though the blue colored batter freaked her out a bit, she finally figured out how to get them right. A few of the first ones did have to be thrown away, but we salute those flapjacks that gave their all so that others (namely me) could chow down in a free and honey covered society! Yep, I get honey fresh out of the hive here instead of syrup. Damn, that stuff is good! It doesn't taste anything like the stuff you get at the store. You can actually taste a mild flower flavor in it.

Anyway, due to our learning curve, we ended up having breakfast at about 11am. But, it was well worth the wait. I may ask her to give the lasagna another try.

T-shirt Biz Nuuz

I have news from the tee biz front. I have hooked up with a guy named Chris who lives up in Chaing Mai, and he is going to help me get a decent t-shirt blog up and running. Chris has a lot of blogs and websites, but I know him from his "Living in Thailand" blog. He writes about anything and everything related to what goes on around here, and what you need to know to survive it. He even has a book that helps you learn to speak Thai. His blog is an interesting and sometimes very funny read, even if you don't live here. So, get ye hence and checketh it out!

This is the only blog that I have that I mess with so far. I just keep this for a place to bitch about stuff, or say whatever I want to. I do like to write, but have never done it enough to get good at it. Chris says that is something I have to work on. He is talking about a 800 word post a day, or so. That's going to be rough at first, because I don't consider myself a t-shirt design guru, but must come across as one. I am sure that I will totally obsess over this word count thing too. I even found an auto word counter online. He says that if I just focus on giving straight forward useful information, that with practice, I should be Ok. I hope so because if you can write, you can make money on the internet, and that's a fact. Content! Content! Content! We'll see.

The name of the blog will be "Tshirt Designs Ideas". When Chris first suggested that, I stared at it for quite a while. It doesn't exactly roll off the tongue. It's that "s" on "designs" that kept making me make the "huh?" face. I did some checking, but couldn't find anything better that was available. It seems that everyone has already bought all the good keywords so that they can sell them back to you for $1500. That blows! Yeah yeah, I know that if you can grab the good words first, it's a good business to be into. But it still hits me as ebay gone bad. If you aren't going to use it, leave it alone so I can afford it damn it!

I am not sure when the "Tshirt Designs Ideas" blog will be up and running yet. I still have 2 weeks of school left, and about 720 final exams to give and grade. But, after that I have about a month off, so that's when I am going to get at this new blog thing, and try to become at least a tolerably decent writer. I will let you know when something happens.

Oh, this post has 483 words in it. (see, I told you this would happen!)

Pre-rainy season Show

We had our first 2 hour rain storm of the year this evening, and you know what that means....Yep, it rains for 2 hours and then the electricity goes off for 4 hours! Every time it rains, we loose power. I hate living in the damn boonies! I do have to give our storms here credit for one thing though, they sure put on a hell of a light show. There's always a lot of lightning when it rains here. We have everything from those huge bolts that almost deafen you, to these really wild ones that remind me of those 4th of July fireworks that were a bunch of small orange crackling lines that spidered out from the main explosion and cover the sky. I have never seen those anywhere else besides here.

Normally, I would just bail and go to Ban-nok to wait it out, but it was too late for that. Ead never seems to loose power at her place, and if she does, it's only for a little while. After about 3 hours, we lost the water too. Roong put candles all over the place so we could see. I have no doubt that we will be spending tomorrow scraping wax off things!

Thailand Has Baseball!

Who knew? I found out by accident. I remembered that it is getting close to World League Baseball Tournament time, so I was looking for info on the net, and stumbled across it. The Thai team apparently played in the last tournament, but got knocked out before the semi-final rounds. I heard that they did beat the Philippines in the SEA games though. That's Ok, they are a very young team, and need experience to grow. I am glad Roong will have a team to cheer for next year. I think she is tired of watching the Thai volleyball team get their asses kicked by all of the amazons that are about 2 ft taller than they are.

Roong found a few photos on the web, and even some Youtube videos, but they are in Thai which explains why I had never seen them before.

Here's a shot of the new Thai baseball team learning some baseball basics. I don't quite remember line dancing as being an integral part of core baseball fundamentals, but what the hell, whatever works for ya man!

If I have a sexual urge, I should play football!

Really?

What should you do when you have a sexual urge?

A. Play football with friends.
B. Talk to your family.
C. Try to go to sleep.
D. Go out with a friend of the opposite sex.
E. Go to a movie with your buddy.

No, this isn't a quiz question from an old edition of Loaded magazine, it's an Ordinary National Educational Test (Onet) exam question set for Grade 12 students in Thailand. The answer is, of course, "A", said National Institute of Educational Testing Services (NIETS) director Dr Samphan Phanphrut. He explained this question was intended to check whether the students understood the nature of sexual desire and how to control or respond to it.

MY first question is, does this apply to both boys and girls, and can they play football together?

I now understand that my priorities have been wrong all these years and that I should have been playing more football in my younger years. Well, we live and learn. Some people had a rather scathing analysis of how this curious question about sexual desire fits in with Thailand's education system as a whole.

Are Thai youth being well served by the Thai education system? The answer at least from the perspective of sex education seems to be a resounding “No.”

Oh, and BTW, it's SOCCER, damn it! Not football, SOCCER!

Facebook made me pregnant!

Facebook causes teen pregnancies!

Seems logical when you think about it. Thailand has one of the highest rates of teen pregnancy in the world, and I am not sure that you could find a teeny bopper here that isn't on Facebook.

With this in mind, Thailand's National Economic and Social Development Board (NESDB) reached the conclusion as young people aged 18-24 are the most prolific demographic on Facebook, this must have something to do with the 120,000 unplanned teen pregnancies there are each year.

The board said that the social media growth is to blame for the teen pregnancy problems as many youngsters post seductive messages or video clips online. It couldn't possibly have anything to do with Thailand's near non-existent school sex education program. No, that can't be it, can it?.

It's all happening at the zoo

Oh well, it's back in purgatory again. But for a few days, I escaped!!! We spent a few days in BKK last weekend, and had a pretty good time. The two highlights of the trip were our trip to the zoo, and finding a Subway sandwich shop. Personally, I had more fun at Subway than I did walking all over the place at the zoo. It isn't nearly as big as I thought it would be, but the girls had never been there though, so they had lots of fun taking photos.

The most memorable thing at the zoo had to be the elephant show. They came out and did all the tricks you would expect, but with one addition. When they came out, the trainer had them all line up facing the audience, turn around, and take a dump. Yep, that's right, take a dump on command. I wonder how long it took them to figure out how to do that. I also wonder why they would want to. This place is so weird.

Palmiez kept saying that she wanted to see the "water cats". I couldn't figure out what she meant. At first, I thought she was talking about the otters. But that wasn't it, she meant the seals. I guess that's how the word for seals translates here. Considering that I have students with names like "Turd", and "Watermelon", these things shouldn't surprise me.

New Schedule

Yep, this is what you imagine when I talk about my Thai students. A bunch of sweet little peace sign waving smiling angels, right? Haaa, you wish! That is what they look like on the outside, but inside, there is a raging inferno of naughtiness just waiting to explode. Well, not in all of them, but most.

They changed my schedule at work about 2 weeks ago. It happened, because one morning I walked into my M-2/1 class, and it was a disaster area. I mean it looked like a bomb went off in there, and all 45 kids were laying around on the floor, or braiding each others hair. I asked them where their teacher was, and they said that she had left several minutes ago. That was odd, because nobody here can tell time, and they always run late with their lessons. I asked them why she left, and they said that they didn't know, but that she was crying. Didn't know? The demons had struck again, and this wasn't the first time. Their teacher is a very sweet girl, and had always seemed to be able to hold her own in a classroom. I had had more than enough.

I was just about to unload on the little shits when the head of our small English department, Miss Aww, happened to walk by. I am getting very tired of being angry all the time, so I called her in. When she saw the state of the place, her jaw dropped to her knees. I explained what had happened, and kind of went off on her because this was getting to be too often of an occurrence.

She didn't say anything for some time, she just stared at the kids. Then she started mumbling softly to herself, and started slowly walking around the room. The more she walked, the gradually louder the mumbling got, until she was shrieking at them. This went on for several minutes, but then stopped as abruptly as it had started. She finally realized that they weren't paying a damn bit of attention to her. In the 5 minutes that she had been raging, not one of the little jackasses had bothered to get up off of the floor, straighten a desk row, or stop braiding whomever's lice infected mop they happen to be working on.

She looked at me and blinked a few times. I told her that this was the way they were. This seemed to be the best that they could behave. I wanted smaller classes, or an assistant teacher to patrol the room while I was giving the lessons. Anything! Something had to be done. If the school wasn't going to allow us to punish or fail them, then they could figure out a way to fix this. The students know that there is no discipline at the school, so they have no fear. I also reminded her that it is very easy for a native English speaker to get a job in Thailand, and that any school in the country would pay me considerably more than their little slice of Hooterville hell does. She just nodded and walked out.

The next day, Aww appeared in my first period class and told me that she needed to talk to me about a schedule change. This sounded better than nothing, because teaching more than 1 grade level really sucks. The skill level in any one grade is diverse enough as it is. Anyway, a few hours later, she came to my office and informed me that I would no longer have to teach the low skilled classes in 7th and 8th grade. But, I would be picking up the 4th, 5th, and 6th grade. WTF!!

I started to go ballistic, but after a quick moment of thought, didn't. The things that I was having to teach the 7th and 8th graders are things that they should have learned in the 4th - 6th grade anyway. Maybe I could get them back on track, at least a little bit anyway. She also said that they would split each class into 2 thirty minute groups. Given their attention span, that sounded pretty good. Plus, I still got to keep my higher skilled 7th and 8th grade classes. The only downside is that I now have to teach 5 grade levels, 2 more hours per week, for the same crappy pay.

The first week went pretty well. Thirty minutes is about all that the youngins can take, and still remember at least some of it for their next class with me. The smaller classes make them much easier to manage too. I keep the lesson very simple, and just focus on understanding and lots of repetition. This usually results in a shouting match between the girls and the boys, but who cares if it works, and they can remember what to say and when to say it.

They also let me teach them in the theater room next to the computer room. AIR CONDITIONING!!!!! It takes a lot more energy to keep them motivated during a class, so I am pretty exhausted afterwards, but they seem to enjoy it. A bunch of them actually show up early. I even get hugs from some of the bolder ones after class sometimes. I think that's a good sign.

Nazi Visa Bee-yatch + Fajitas = T.I.T.

T.I.T. = This is Thailand. It was visa time again here in la la land. The thing about this is, that with the right paperwork, getting you work permit and visa should only take about 5 minutes. But guess what!? It doesn't! It never does! Either they have changed the rules and not bothered to tell anyone, or someone has screwed up the paperwork because they can't do their f'ing job. I miss the days when Roong did the paperwork. If there was a problem, she could fix it on the spot. But now, since I had to switch back to a Non-B visa, it's a damn merry-go-round to get anything done.

They opened an immigration office in Lopburi now. I don't have to drive all the way to Bangkok to get all this stuff done. That's a good thing. Getting my 90 day stamp is easy. I am in and out in 3 minutes. But, the nasty bitch that takes care of yearly visas is a pain in the ass. I assume that this is the first time in her life that she has had any amount of power. The 10 minute bullshit lectures on absolutely nothing, and the endless studying of the same papers over and over again gets old real quick. Since I wasn't teaching that day, I was dressed pretty casual. She said that I didn't look like a teacher, and that she thought that the contract from my school was fake, and that my wife had made it up. She also said that because I was going to have to make 2 trips to her office to finish everything, that I would have to pay the 1900 baht fee 2 times. Plus, she never gave me back the 100 baht change from when I paid for it the first time. WTF!!!

Roong spends most of her time trying to keep me from loosing my temper and getting in to trouble. But this, this was too much even for her. She pulled some serious rank. She stormed over to Sgt. Bitchy's supervisor and ripped the little Captain a new one. After she settled down, the little Captain pulled Sgt. Bitchy aside and had a few quick but very intense words. We were out of there about 2 minutes later.

I had to go back there today to give them a new copy of my work permit. I was so ready for a scrap. Roong wasn't there to shut me up, so it was looking like trouble. Once I got there, she didn't say anything to me, she just motioned for me to sit down, and stamped the new paperwork. I should have just left, but having worn my school uniform there, I couldn't resist asking her "Do I look like a god damn teacher now?". She just glared at me. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I will save the story of the nob newbie at the work permit office for another time. XD


I had real food for dinner!!!!!! After the victory at the Immigration office, I went and had lunch, and then wondered around Big-C for a while. Buried in the imported food section, I found a package of tortillas. Cool! All I needed was some salsa and sour cream, and I was in business.

Fajita madness!

Today was a very lucky day, because I did find 2 little containers of sour cream at Big-C, and some no name salsa that didn't look to bad. Once I picked Roong up from work we raided the market and got Chicken, peppers, chilies, mushrooms, and anything else I could think of to put in them. We went with chicken, because Thais aren't big beef eaters. I suppose that I should have looked at a recipe at some point for this, but having spent a fortune at Taco Ball, I was feeling confident.

Roong cooked the chicky in the oven, and I stir fried up the peppers, onions, etc. They turned out great. Probably just dumb luck, but they were awesome. I guess I would really have to attribute this success to the fact that if you dump enough sour cream on anything, eventually it will taste good. The only bad thing about it was the fact that I made enough to feed an army. Roong ate one, and I could only eat two. Hmmm...I wonder what I will have for lunch tomorrow?

Student Day 2012

Another Student Day has come and gone. They really went all out this year too. There must have been two dozen dancing and singing performances by all the classes combined.We had a good turn out of parents this time also. Here are a few shots from the action. It was very overcast today, so most of my long distance group shots were kind of fussy....

This is Fet and Taptim (Timmy). Great kids, and two of the sharpest students in their classes.

A few more of my youngins at Student Day. I believe that's Pop in the center. The little boy on the end (Yes, that's a boy) is Dommy. I have 2 or 3 "ladyboys in training" in every class, but this little fruit loop takes flaming to a whole new level. He's a good kid, but he has a different drama tragedy going on every day, and at least once a week I have to tell him to stop sticking things down his shirt to make fake boobs.

This is Took ta and Ae. Two of the so few good students in my M-2/3 class. These are the kind that meet you at your office to carry your books to class. Can't imagine life there without them.

This is the festival queen and her handmaidens.

Well well well, speaking of queens... That is miss Tuktan in the brown shirt, and her pack of ladyboys, that volunteered to do all the make-up for the performers. Imagine that! Of all the 100 girls that teach at Penpattana, Tuktan has got to be the most fun. She is one of the few that regularly likes to go out and party, and is always juggling at least 3 boyfriends.

I'm not sure who these 3 little girls are. I know that I know them, but it's hard to tell who they are under all that make-up. They look like they have been severely beaten with a box of crayons.

The girl with her chin on her hands is Miew. I have had her in all my classes since I started teaching at Penpattana. Wonderful student and full time "go to" girl.

I wish I had gotten better shots of this dance. It was a calypso type of number, and there were dozens of these little island girls running all over the place. It was like a Lilo and Stitch invasion!

This is just one small group of the Lilo and Stitch crowd.

The one on your right is Fern. I've known Fern for several years too. She does fairly well in class, but was most definitely born to be trouble! She has a mischievous streak a mile wide.

The boys. Mahn Mah, Rut, Tik, and Ball. All great students, and cool little dudes. Ball is one of the super jocks of M-2.

Two of my all time numero uno favorites, Beggy and Nuna. Both are little angels in my M-2/4 class. They have helped me a lot over the years. I don't know what I would have done without them.

The little bit of a girl in the center is Yo. Yo is another of the kids that I have known for all 5 years at school. She is possibly the most intelligent child I have ever had the privilege to teach.

It's Beam time! Beam (on the right) is more fun, and more trouble, than any teacher should ever have to deal with. That girl is always getting up to something. I also have her little sister Biw in one of my other classes. Exactly the same! Next year is going to be a hoot.